Civil Discourse- why, and what does it mean to you?

It would be silly for me to start a blog dedicated to people treating those they disagree with civilly.
First, why does this matter to me?
Once you insult someone for having a different view than you, you’ve given up on changing their minds. You’re saying, “I am so sure you won’t change that I don’t mind alienating you in the interest of venting my emotions.” No one ever grew to support LGBTQA equality because you called them a homophobic asshole. No parent ever started vaccinating their child because you called them gullible and a murderer. People rarely convert to your way of religious/philosophical thought because they were threatened with Hell or the sword (even if you frighten them into saying they have). People don’t give up their guns because you called them a wingnut. And so on and so forth. If you want to change minds, that can ONLY be done through respectful discourse.

Secondly, how do I see that happening?

Whenever I can,I  start from a place of "I may disagree with this person, but they do not mean harm to me and mine. They may not mean harm to anybody. They're doing what they view as best, with the knowledge they have and how they understand it".

Sometimes, of course, that's impossible, such as when someone is engaging in hate speech or abusive behaviour. Then, the best thing to do may be to calmly leave the conversation, and if necessary, alert the appropriate higher-ups.


But rather than think of them as just bad, ask yourself what is scaring them (That's one of the questions I will be asking with this blog- "What about this issue scares you?") Can this fear be addressed?

 Don't name call: Nobody likes being called names. It puts them on the defensive, and reduces them to a stereotype-and we all know you wouldn't like people doing that to you. Related to that is:

If you pick on people smaller or weaker than you, you are a bully: I've seen a truly disturbing trend lately, where activists who don't approve of a parent's choices insult the children. There's no way around it: calling someone else's child a brat, ugly, a little shit, or stupid is bullying.It doesn't matter what their parent's opinions are or what choices they've made. Does a child ask to be born to anti-gay parents, or to parents who don't believe in evolution or vaccination? No, they don't. Attack the parent's position if you want- hopefully with logic instead of vitriol, because you don't want to look unreasonable.

Understand that opinions rarely change in a day: Don't throw your hands up in despair and write someone off because your well crafted, logical, and kindly stated argument didn't change their mind in a flash. Maybe you've planted a seed. Maybe all you've done is cause them to view you with more compassion. You may never know, and it helps to be OK with that.

Just because you feel someone deserves your disdain, just because it may make you feel  really good to rant, doesn't mean it's the best thing for your cause to do so. The question is not whether you deserve to be angry, whether that person really is bad, or if you have a right to share your pain. The question is whether it will hurt your cause or not.


This is not to say that actions don;t have consequences, or that we should fail to point out injustice. It's about how.

Lastly, a little "life lesson" I've learned in 21 years of staying married to the same person, in 17 years of managing to not hit my strong willed, sarcastic children, in an entire adulthood of working with other people's kids and *hopefully* not pissing too many people off: Sometimes, perhaps more often than we like, "winning" isn't about making another person admit we're "more right" than they are. Often, winning is about giving up your RIGHT to say what you want in favour of peace.

Introduction

I've been mulling over creating this blog-I care deeply about social justice issues, but tend not to post too often to my personal page because to be honest, most people tend to be pretty entrenched, and I don't wish to alienate friends on issues I am probably not going to change their mind on. As I read the posts (especially on tumblr), by people at the far ends of the spectrum, two things become clear:

People on both ends of the spectrum frequently do not understand what their "opposite number" ACTUALLY believes, and;

People on both ends of the spectrum frequently do not realize that there are many, many people who fall in the middle, and may be making decisions about which end to favour based on what they are saying.

So what I'd like to do is a series of "Multiple Views" on a variety of contentious topics, with people who hold all level of views on that topic answering questions such as "How did you come to this viewpoint?" "What about this issue frightens you?" "What do you most want people who believe differently to know about you?" (And others that might be suggested).

I feel like the state of social activism on the internet is quite sad. I know one person can do so little, bit I'd like to try. Will you join me?

Later in the week I'll be posting a few topics, with a list of questions and how to submit content for a topic.In the meantime, be excellent to each other!